What to do when fear is keeping us stuck.


We allow fear in to keep us feeling safe. We must save ourselves from pain and suffering, embarrassment and shame, disappointment and failure. The ego is behind all of this. The ego is the voice in our heads that tells us that we’ll never be artists, that we’ll always struggle with our weight, that we’ll never finish that project, and that we’ll always be seen as shy, which will keep us from ever making the friends we want. It tells you stories that simply aren’t true because its job is to keep you from getting hurt.

And what hurts when we let it?

The disapproval of others, failure in our life’s goals, the loss of something important to us, doing something we deeply regret.

The solution to this?

Don’t share your blog on your Facebook feed (because what if people SEE it?), don’t write… at least not every day… it’s a waste of time (what good would it do me anyway?), don’t talk about your desires with your friends, family, or acquaintances (you know you’ll quit before you reach your goals).

Simply put, we will suffer. But what we don’t always realize, until we begin to dismiss our ego mind, is that the danger is in our inaction. When we play it safe, we are stuck in a cycle of fear and avoidance. This state of being stops us from living up to our potential because our dreams are left unfulfilled, our talents are left untapped, and our fear-based ego mind is all that remains.

I’ve been worrying as long a I can remember. I was afraid of getting into trouble, getting lost, sleeping over at friends’ houses, doing poorly in school, making the wrong decision, and being caught in an inharmonious environment. I feared others pointing out my faults, getting kidnapped, losing something as insignificant as a hair tie, and unintentionally causing harm to my loved ones. Some run deeper than others and it’s taken me continually denouncing these fears in order to free myself a little more and more. I still fear judgment some days and have a long-running worry that my dogs will get loose and I’ll never see them again. I fear I’ll make the wrong decision at a restaurant and will be stuck with a mediocre meal. The absolute horror.

But with every courageous action we make of putting ourselves out there for all to see, for better or for worse, and with every choice we make to do it regardless, in order for us to grow – the more unstuck we become and the easier is. Or at least, the less hard it is. It might never be easy. But it becomes less stressful, as we hit publish without flinching (as much) and deliver that speech with ease and show up to a class or  event by ourselves because it was something we wanted to do and going alone wasn’t going to stop us.

When fear sits on your shoulders, weighing you down and keeping you stuck, tell your ego that you have better things to do than sit around believing all it has to say. Remember the dreamy, magical life you desire for yourself. And then tell yourself that story instead.

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